I need to make one thing clear before this story begins. My dog sleeps in my bedroom, not in my bed. 😬

So – we already had a male dog who had been with us for seven years. A 37kg German Shorthaired Pointer, with an even bigger heart.

Then, without much notice, we brought home an abandoned golden retriever.
He arrived with energy, anxiety and this incredibly strong desire to mark his territory…literally everywhere around the house. SO not cool.

While we tried to get things under control, we had to keep him in the kitchen, while our other dog had free range of the house.

For months, a trainer came weekly. Imagine, this time last year, while I was in chemo, we were desperately trying to train him between sessions. It was so full on.

When that didn’t work, we then sent him to a trainer. I HAD to crack this. But even after two months away, he returned, and the marking continued.

He still needed restricted access to the house….and was still treated differently.

Then one night I thought: what would happen if I let him sleep in our bedroom too?

Can you believe it? OVERNIGHT, the marking stopped.

He is still a super high-energy golden, and we still have work to do. BUT he was no longer being treated as an outsider. Now FEELING like part of the family, overnight, things changed.

So much of my work is about the power of connection and belonging.

When people feel part of something, they care more, contribute as though it is their own and are happier. As a result, teams and organisations perform better too.

Yet I had spent months trying to change his behaviour without changing the experience underneath it.

The training mattered (it fixed other things) and the boundaries were necessary. But we were still sending him a clear message: The other dog belongs here. And you don’t fully.

The moment that message changed, so did his behaviour.

It was a simple reminder: perspective changes behaviour.

Sometimes the perspective that matters most is how we see our place within something.

Belonging isn’t something we can announce. It is something people, and apparently golden retrievers, FEEL through the way they are included.
And when we know we belong, we show up differently.